Letters

During the bouts of cancer diagnosis and treatments, Rachel writes e-mails to keep her friends and family updated on her thoughts and spiritual walk.

Day 2

August 10, 2004

Pretty good day.

 

Had a rough evening. Nausea was bad. Took two drugs and managed to get it under control. Had a great sleep…until about 3:30am when the steroid anti-nausea drug kicked in and woke me up. When the kids woke up I felt like I should get up to help with them and then thought, “Hey. I just had chemo. I can sleep in.” There is some Catholic in my background, if you’re wondering.

 

Didn’t need to take any extra anti-nausea pills today. Didn’t feel great – i.e. didn’t feel like eating – but I wasn’t feeling terrible either. Was mostly tired. Very tired.

 

Biggest thing today was chest pain. I had some over the weekend which I attributed to the port-a-cath and expected to abate after 48-72 hours but today it was worse. I felt this pressure on my chest, was a bit short of breath at times and basically felt “like my heart hurt.” So I called the doc and began a marathon day of tests to make sure everything is ok. Chest x-ray, then an appointment with Dr. Gelmon, then an EKG and a VQ scan to measure my lung capacity/production/or something. Chest x-ray apparently was fine. The others were to make sure I don’t have blood clot which can occur, although rarely, with chemo. Not sure when I’ll hear about that. No news is usually good news.

 

Got home after a full day at VGH and the BCCA and fell into bed.

 

Can’t believe how good I feel so far – relatively. Am so grateful. Fatigue, obviously, is going to be my biggest challenge.

 

So I’ve been thinking about this verse: “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength…they shall run (after two kids) and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Is. 40)

 

It’s tough for me to believe this. My faith is so fragile – like giving me energy is a tough thing for God.

 

Thank you, my friends, for walking this road with me. It is so good to be with you.

 

love,
rb

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